Coronavirus – Soothfairy speaks

Image: Praxis Photography / Getty Images / Flickr RF

This coronavirus – what does it think it is? Coming over to us humans from bats, or pangolins, whatever, killing off our vulnerable old people, making us all stay in, destroying our socio-economic system and that. I mean, what’s it all about? You know? Bollocks!

Mind you, as a global threat it’s shown up market forces and the nation state as inadequate. So, if we end up with voluntary one-world government that can end poverty and war, give us a universal state income, and replace the environment-destroying debt economy with social credit, might not be so bad. Apart from the killing and destruction. Which is bad, obviously. Means and ends and all that.

But this isn’t a case of means and ends, is it. The deaths aren’t a way to get to utopia. The utopian idea comes from the deaths but isn’t caused by them. (The deaths are a way for nature to maintain its inhuman ecosystem. We’ve had plenty of warning.)

So this modern idea of utopia isn’t caused by the sudden mass deaths. It’s caused by the usual complicated pattern of thoughts and events. This virus is probably the catalyst (O-level chemistry, failed). The reaction is taking place. The result won’t be known till the post-virus dust has settled.

So would “they”, the Illuminati or whatever, the union of the super-rich, allow an end to neoliberal global capitalism as we know and hate it?

Not willingly, of course, but they might be forced to acknowledge a tidal turn of events and find another way to keep their loot; or they might try to co-opt New Utopia and bend it to the will of their ruling cabal; or – with a bit of luck – they might retreat in a sulk and rot away behind their security fences.

In the new utopia, in 50 years’ time, United Earth, having repaired the damage done by their greed, will round up the remaining cohort along with their warlord accomplices, convict them of their crimes and exile them to the Moon.

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The super-rich – law and order


Rule of law? Listen, darling, the rich got rich by stealing the land from the people. Then we had to protect our wealth from the people. So we implemented a legal system with extremely harsh punishments for theft or insurrection. That’s what the law’s for: to protect the rich.

Of course it protects the poor as well now, doesn’t it. To carry on protecting us in these ‘democratic’ times, the law must be seen to serve everybody. The people know the truth, kind of, but for the sake of a quiet life they go along with it.

Some of us got super-rich. We’re above the law. Sure, there has to be a sacrifice every now and then. One of us gets tossed on the bonfire, for the sake of appearances. But apart from that, we’re functionally above the law.

Down there, the degree of inequity is such that law and order is needed to prevent unrest. Shall I use a metaphor, dear? If the pit props of the law break, the goldmine of civil contentment will collapse. That’s not good for us. The people would be ruled by gangsters, and we’d have to find another way.

The people are quite capable of running things themselves, of course, and sharing out the wealth – but without law, how would they overcome the gangster warlords? That’s why they go along with our law – they know there’s no alternative!

You know, dear, people in poor countries – not having the judicial superstructure and public service integrity they’d need for effective law – would love our western law and order. No more extortion by gangsters, or the corrupt secret police knocking on your door in the middle of the night. The law might have bad masters, but it manages to keep us at arm’s length, and serves us all, rich and poor alike. Simply delightful, my dear!

Democracy suits us. We don’t have to lift a finger, apart from the occasional meeting or intervention. The system practically runs itself, on bread and circuses. And thanks to the offshore magic, we don’t even have to pay for it! Marvellous!

The state’s a wonderful thing, darling. It does everything for people, so they don’t have to care. They just pay taxes. It makes them selfish and spiritless. They don’t think about inequity – or about us. It’s perfect!

Watch the drinking, and it’s a wonderful life. I know, we can’t buy immortality yet. That’s why we’re crowd-funding that project, isn’t it. More Dom, darling?

Climate crisis? Yes, it’s a thing, sweetie. It goes critical, we’re fucked.

There’s Peter Thiel’s New Zealand thing, of course. You know – PayPal founder, Trump nutter? You can’t buy a democracy off – well, not like that – so there’s no chance. But it’s a useful distraction, isn’t it.

And there’s Putin’s stealth enclave in Fuckistan, wherever. You know? Self-sufficient food, water, energy, security. Luxury, as per. Shangri-fucking-La. Entry, a billion per family, a million a head per year til it blows over.

He’s a psycho though, isn’t he. So it depends on banking keeping going outside. If it doesn’t, he’ll eat us.

Still. Good while it lasts, hmm?

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