Fear of Islamophobia

In which I write a robust, generalised, secular humanist critique of Islam in the UK without being Islamophobic

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Nice art – shame about the self-segregation Photo: Mohammad Reza Domiri Ganji

Warning: the following article contains strong opinions. Devout Muslims of simple faith may wish to move along; anyone else, please read on…

Am I Islamophobic, frightened of Islam? If I believed the many rabid anti-Islamic websites out there, saying that Muslim immigration is a Trojan horse, about to destroy democracy, I probably would be. But I dont; and I’m not.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, here in the UK, I’ll explain why I don’t much like Islam as it is at the moment; and how that doesn’t make me Islamophobic.

Fact: Oil-rich Saudi Arabia spends billions of dollars on the international promotion of Wahhabism/Salafism, widely recognised as one of fundamentalist Islam’s most extreme movements. Much of the money funds children’s education in British faith schools and mosques.

Fact: A headteacher friend told me that in her mainly-Muslim state primary school the day after 9/11, Muslim children were singing pro-Osama bin Laden chants.

Fact: There were demonstrations in London by Muslims against the war in Iraq and against offensive cartoons, but there have been no demonstrations against al-Qaeda or Isis. PR statements of condemnation and claims that Islam is a religion of peace are made, but Muslims have not accepted any responsibility for the brutal terrorism coming from within their religion. Many Muslims resort to elaborate conspiracy theories or blame foreign policy to justify denial.

Fact: A UK opinion poll has indicated significant support amongst Muslims for young Muslims who leave the UK to join fighters in Syria. Another poll showed that a significant number of UK Muslims believe the 2005 7/7 London bombings were justified because of the west’s war on terror.

Does writing those things in a blog make me Islamophobic?

Fact: Muslims are taught that they shouldn’t live in a non-Muslim country, but if they do, they shouldn’t befriend non-Muslims. (Actually, despite being a native non-believer – I’m agnostic – I find UK Muslims friendly. But the teaching is there.)

Fact: A religious message has been circulated calling for Muslims to foster or adopt refugee Muslim orphans to save them from the ‘alien environment’ of non-Muslim homes. (Many ‘alien’ non-Muslims had come forward, but very few righteous Muslims had done so.)

Is it Islamophobic to say those things?

Fact: According to supposedly reliable contemporaneous reports, the prophet Muhammad at the age of 54 began having penetrative sex with a nine-year old girl, who’d been his ‘wife’ since the age of six.

Islamophobia?

The accusation of Islamophobia is the knee-jerk defensive response by Muslim spokespeople to any criticism of Islam. This is like the accusation of antisemitism made in response to any criticism of Israel or Zionism. (See my blog on the weird word ‘antisemitism‘.)

Words matter. As a critic of Islam, am I Islamophobic? The suffix ‘phobia’ can mean ‘aversion’, but it’s usually taken to mean ‘irrational fear’ (as in ‘claustrophobia’, meaning fear of enclosed spaces). The widespread use of the word ‘Islamophobia’ deflects criticism. Critics must be either irrational or fearful or both, so they can be ignored. Say the magic word, and the criticism doesn’t need to be addressed.

Am I irrationally frightened of Islam? We all could be rationally frightened of Islam, after the horrors of 9/11 and 7/7. (I say ‘we all’, because some of the victims were Muslims.) But personally, in spite of that, I’ve got no fear of Islam – rational or irrational – or of Muslims in general. So no, I’m not Islamophobic.

‘Anti-Islamic‘ is better than ‘islamophobic’, but that’s not quite right either for a liberal critic of Islam. What if you don’t like Islam as it is, but you’re not actually against it? There should be a suffix or prefix for ‘dislike it as it is at the moment’ – but there isn’t.

There’s a long-term grumbling undercurrent in the British host community of semi-coherent resentment of the post-war immigration project. The sudden influx of large numbers of foreign people, many with foreign languages and religions, was a shock.

If the host community had been consulted and had agreed to mass immigration, there might gave been a more welcoming and trusting environment, which might have made integration more successful.

(My post, Patriotism – for scoundrels addresses the current policy of trying to promote integration by teaching ‘British values‘ in schools.)

When resentment and distrust are aimed at Muslims, as they sadly often are, ‘Islamophobia’ is as good a word as any to describe it. But it won’t do as a blanket response to any criticism.

Openly anti-Islamic racist groups in the UK and Europe try to stir up fear of Islam, but fortunately they have little support in the UK. However, any western criticism of Islam inevitably risks conflation with racism. Most UK Muslims are of Pakistani or Bangladeshi origin and are therefore, like all immigrant communities, victims of racism.

Victimhood can become a bad habit – hence, perhaps, the over-use of the provocatively misleading word ‘Islamophobia’ – but the victims aren’t to blame. As the Archbishop of Canterbury has said, racism is deeply embedded in British culture. Liberal critics of Islam should tread lightly.

(Racism is a different – albeit, related – subject, with its own deep-rooted complexity. See my post Racism explained as a redundant instinct, which includes a detailed account of the racism-provoking self-segregation practised by a large minority of UK Muslims.)

Is there such a person as a moderate Muslim? Google it, and you find many writers and thinkers, both Muslim and non-Muslim, saying ‘No’. The Muslim ‘No’ argument is that it’s not acceptable to be moderately dedicated to Islam; ‘moderate’ Muslims are on the slippery slope to apostasy and Hell.

Ordinary Muslims – decent, honest and friendly – are moderate, aren’t they? Thats what an anxious host community would like to think. But a powerful and communal ideological commitment combined with a sense of being beleaguered can nudge the most ordinary person into a bunker mentality.

(UK Muslims’ sense of being beleaguered, or even persecuted, is somewhat ridiculous when compared to real persecution. See my article about the previously saintly Aung San Suu Kyi and her Myanmar goverment’s brutal persecution of the Rohingya Muslims, Halo Goodbye, Suu – the Rohingya crisis.)

Moderate or not, Muslims say that Islam isn’t just a religion, it’s a way of life – one which must be preserved, and not be contaminated by integration with the decadent host community. This reluctance to integrate is the cause of most of the criticism, and of the consequent paranoid accusations of Islamophobia.

Symptoms of the host community’s supposed decadence include our acceptance of homosexuality and equality for women, and our lack of religious faith.

Young UK Muslims are often torn between the Islamic lifestyle – which secures their position in their extended family and the wider Muslim community – and the western lifestyle, which isn’t really that decadent, and which has attractions other than the merely material – mainly, the freedom to live how you want, within the protective barrier of reason and secular law.

This tension is expressed in a few cases by joining Isis (to escape temptation and see the world); or lapsing; and in most cases isn’t expressed at all, but simply bubbles under the surface. Perhaps surprisingly, many Muslim families have one or more lapsed or semi-lapsed members who are still very much part of the family.

In any case, the non-western lifestyle of most UK Muslims is not purely Islamic. Pakistani and Bangladeshi cultural traditions – north Indian, as they were for centuries before partition – are mixed with Islamic principle. For instance, most Islamic weddings ignore Quran-ordained simplicity in favour of expensive three-day celebrations with lavish gifts of gold jewellery and clothes.

Other un-Islamic traditions are less benign. Most UK ‘honour’ killing victims from 2009 to 2014 were of Pakistani origin. (1)

Muslims are entitled, of course, to preserve their way of life (within the law of the land), whether it’s strictly religious or not. There are other insular ethnic-religious groups in the UK that insist on keeping to a special lifestyle – for example, orthodox Jews. But Muslims are the only such group who’s religion is associated with worldwide sectarian and anti-west violence.

Muslims often say that the violence is un-Islamic. Even if that’s accepted (perhaps with some scepticism), there’s a worrying tendency for the culture of Islam in the west to self-segregate into an ideological supremacist fortress – nicely symbolised by the provocative wearing of eye-slit face veils.

Secular humanists look on with wariness and some distaste – but not Islamophobia.

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Footnote

(1)’Honour’ killing victims: Of the 22 out of 29 reported cases of ‘honour’ killings and attempted killings in 2010 where the ethnicity of the victim was known or alleged, 15 were of Pakistani origin (3 were Indian, 1 was Bangladeshi, 1 Palestinian/Syrian, 1 Kuwaiti and 1 white British) – The Henry Jackson Society database – reported cases of ‘honour’ killings and attempted killings in the UK between 31 December 2009 and 31 December 2014.

(The neoconservative HJS has form for being anti-Islamic, but these statistics appear to be sound.)

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Postscript 1

I put this to some Muslim scholars, liberals and reformers. So far, there have been two respondents, both reformers. They say that Islam needs to shed man-made sects (Sunnism, Sufism and Shiitism), disregard the extra texts (hadiths) and rely on the Quran, the interpretation of which is human and fallible. However, reform can have a bad side. The Wahabi/Salafi movement is a reformist movement, albeit an ultra-conservative Sunni one. Christian Reformation’s Martin Luther, a nasty piece of work, was calling for the burning of synagogues some 500 years ago. Thank goodness for the Enlightenment*.

* However…see my post The dark side of the Enlightenment.

Muhammad’s nine-year old ‘wife’

One respondent said that the hadith about Muhammad having sex with his nine-year old ‘wife’, Aisha, is fabricated. However, there are apparently many supposedly reliable hadiths attesting to this ‘consummation of marriage’.

Some Muslims argue that Aisha was aged between 15 and 19 when the marriage was consumated, but most Muslims seem to accept that it happened when the girl was nine. Many Muslims apparently deal with criticism about it by saying that in a tropical climate, as in Arabia, girls reach puberty earlier, and that the nine-year-old must have been sexually mature.

I haven’t found any scientific evidence of earlier female puberty due to a hot climate. (I found some contradictory evidence: that girls mature later in hot climates.)

In any case, the idea of a 54-year-old man having sex with a nine-year-old girl, even if by by some freak of nature she’d reached puberty, seems profoundly wrong – at any point in history.

(There are also claims in anti-Islamic sites that Muhammad practised ‘thighing‘ on his child bride before she was nine. None of the ‘evidence’ links work. This appears to be a complete fabrication.)

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Postscript 2

A UK Guardian article by political editor Anushka Asthana reported the concerns of a leading expert on race and integration that British society is increasingly divided along ethnic lines, with segregation in schools, neighbourhoods and workplaces. In another article in the same edition, Labour MP Chuka Umunna warned of a ‘more ethnically segmented nation‘. Neither article explicitly mentioned Muslim communities, but both mentioned Oldham, a town in Greater Manchester which in 2001 was the scene of violent ethnically-motivated rioting between between local and Muslim communities.

So how come two commentators gave views on increasing segregation without mentioning the Muslim community?

The first Guardian article mentioned above gave the views of Professor Ted Cantle. I emailed Cantle, Chukka Umunna and Anushka Asthana, asking if they’d avoided mentioning Muslims. Umunna and Asthana haven’t replied (but see Update 2, below). Cantle replied, saying: ‘I would very much like details of the extent of segregation of Muslim and other faith communities. Unfortunately most of the analysis is in relation to ethnicity. I suspect that Muslim communities have become more isolated, as they feel somewhat beleaguered, and other communities have moved away from Muslim-associated areas.’ (My bolding.)

On this blog article, he said: ‘I am wary of over-generalisations about the Muslim community. I have learnt over the last 15 years just how diverse it is – theologically, culturally, politically, nationally, socially etc. I thought your blog failed to represent this diversity, even if some of the points may have been fair comment.’ Ouch.

On the first point, surely ‘Pakistani’ is effectively synonymous with ‘Muslim’, so if you know that people’s ethnicity is Pakistani, you know their faith is Muslim; and it’s common knowledge that Muslim communities tend to choose segregation, especially in the case of education, for religious reasons.

I put this to Prof Cantle. He said that (contrary to what I was suggesting) most Muslims are not Pakistani. He referred me to a residential-pattern analysis of the 2011 census figures, which does indeed show that in 2011 there were 2.7 million Muslims, but only 1.1 million people of Pakistani origin. That’s a surprisingly (surprising to me, anyway) low 40%. (A further 646,000 people were of Bangladeshi, Turkish or Somali origin, and there were about 100,000 converts, leaving about 900,000 Muslims of unknown ethnic origin. Apparently.)

Fair enough – the census has spoken. So why did I think that most UK Muslims were of Pakistani origin? I think it’s because whenever Muslims appear in the UK media, whether ordinary people, politicians, community leaders, writers, artists, actors, musicians or TV pundits, they’re nearly always of Pakistani origin. In other words, UK Muslim culture is represented by people of Pakistani origin. So arguably, when analysing UK trends, ‘Pakistani’ and ‘Muslim’ are effectively interchangeable.

Also, the census analysis addresses residential segregation; but what about educational segregation? That subject was discussed at length in the Guardian article – without any mention of faith groups. Can there really be no details available of the extent of educational segregation of Muslim and other faith groups? It’s well known that Muslims choose educational segregation for religious reasons, and that this has been a matter of high-profile public concern for some time (eg, the murky but inconclusive Trojan Horse affair). So it’s difficult to see how this can be overlooked in an in-depth expert review of the subject. (And what about the Wahabi/Salafi oil money funding UK faith schools?)

Other faiths have their own conservative schools, of course, most of which are funded by the state – whereas Muslim schools, on the whole, aren’t. The solution, though, is not to have more state-funded Muslim schools, but to end all state-funded faith schools, and enforce the teaching of the Enlightenment values of liberty, self-determination and personal responsibility that Western liberal democracy is built on. Western values, if you like. (Just don’t call them ‘British’ values. See more on the legislation requiring the teaching of British values in my blog article, ‘Patriotism – for scoundrels‘.)

In any case, Muslim self-segregation applies to other areas of life as well.

I’ve since found that, contrary to what Prof Cantle said, there is published research on faith-based segregation. But for whatever reason, Cantle, Umunna and The Guardian are not discussing this. I suspect that the reason is their fear of being thought to be Islamophobic or – even worse – politically incorrect.

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Update 1

Another integration expert, Professor Tariq Modood, has told me that only 7% of Muslims choose Muslim faith-schools as compared with 50% of Jews.

However, that may be a function of the very low number of state-sanctioned Muslim schools as compared with other faiths. Also, the perception of educational segregation comes not so much from the numbers as from the illiberal Wahabi/Salafi teaching that is sought to be imposed.

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Update 2

Guardian polical editor Anushka Asthana (see Postscript 2, above) has finally replied (after some prompting) to my question about the two Guardian articles that discussed segregation without mentioning Muslims. She didn’t refer to the Chukka Umunna article; but she said that in her article, Prof Cantle did mention faith schools. However, I think the Guardian should set things right by explicitly addressing Muslim self-segregation.

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Driverless cars would need sci-fi AI

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Science fact or fiction? | Photo: Mercedes

Post started 2016. Last updated 2025

A 2016 newspaper report said Volvo would test its driverless cars in the UK in 2018 using real families in fully ‘autonomous’ cars on public roads.

The report said the UK government hadn’t signed the international convention requiring a driver to be in the front seat of a car, but was working on its own regulation.

Perhaps the government should have considered the serious problems to be solved before such cars can safely run on public roads.

Volvo’s beguiling PR phrase, ‘autonomous driving’ tells us not to think ‘driverless’ but to think ‘independent’.

But PR can’t solve the problem of how a computer can ‘read’ the ‘map’ – the live, continuous, 360-degree, 3D digital model, overlaid on a previously-scanned model of the road and it’s surroundings. The models are made by integrating information from an array of cameras and sensors.

The cleverly-produced model is no use without the ability to meaningfully – and accurately – understand it.

Can the computer distinguish between, say, a child standing still at the side of the road and something else about the same size that wasn’t there during the pre-scanning, when travelling at 30 mph in poor visibility – like a driver could?

Such an ability would need a level of artificial intelligence – or rather artificial consciousness – found only in science fiction.

This is yet another fine example of the media swallowing PR guff about driverless cars.


Postscript 1

The UK government has now promised to introduce legislation to enable driverless cars to be insured under ordinary policies. The transport minister said:

    ‘Driverless cars might seem like science fiction but the economic potential of the new technology is huge, and I am determined the UK gets maximum benefit.’

(£100m of taxpayers’ money was being wasted in pursuit of this illusory pot of gold.)


Postscript 2

I put this to some driverless car experts and computer vision academics. The only respondent, a driverless car expert, said there’s no problem with image recognition.

Hmm. See Postscript 9, below, nine years later.


Postscript 3

In a TED talk, Google’s head of self-driving cars said of computer vision:

    ‘It’s really just numbers at the end of the day. How hard can it really be? It’s really a geometric understanding of the world.’

Really? Tw*t.


Postscript 4

Wikipedia’s article on computer vision, under the heading Autonomous vehicles, says:

    Several car manufacturers have demonstrated [vision] systems for autonomous driving of cars, but this technology has still not reached a level where it can be put on the market.

Quite. But the marketeers – and their useful idiots in media and government – can’t wait.


Postscript 5

December 2022: Unsurprisingly, four years on from Volvo’s ‘2018’ there’ve been no live tests in the UK.


Postscript 6

A September 2023 article on US financial news website TheStreet, Engineering whistleblower explains why safe Full Self-Driving can’t ever happen, says that according to engineer Michael DeKort (who exposed Lockheed Martin’s subpar safety practices in 2006):

    Artificial general intelligence (an AI with human-level intelligence and reasoning capabilities) does not exist. So the AI that makes self-driving cars work learns through extensive pattern recognition. Human drivers, he said, are scanning their environment all the time. When they see something, whether it be a group of people about to cross an intersection or a deer at the side of the road, they react, without needing to understand the details of a potential threat (color, for example).

    “The problem with these systems is they work from the pixels out. They have to hyperclassify,” DeKort told TheStreet. Pattern recognition, he added, is just not feasible, “because one, you have to stumble on all the variations. Two, you have to re-stumble on them hundreds if not thousands of times because the process is extremely inefficient. It doesn’t learn right away.”

Exactly. The article went on:

    Self-driving cars would have to clock billions to hundreds of billions of miles using their current methods to achieve a fatality rate in line with that of human drivers: one per 100 million miles, a 2016 study by Rand found…Tesla’s beta version of FSD [full self-driving], according to Elon Musk, has covered some 300 million miles; the company would have to scale up mileage by 100 to 1,000 times to create a system that is as good as human, according to Rand’s calculations.

Well, we can trust Musk to behave sensibly, can’t we? 🤪


Postscript 7

May 2024 – In spite of the obvious dangers, the UK government blithely ploughed ahead with its ill-informed, gung-ho promotion. A ‘news story’ on information website gov.UK, Self-driving vehicles set to be on roads by 2026 as Automated Vehicles Act becomes law, said:

    Self-driving vehicles could be on British roads by 2026, after the government’s world-leading Automated Vehicles (AV) Act became law.

Jesus. In July 2024 a pseudo-pragmatic Labour government took over from the daft Tories. But the gung-ho self-driving bandwagon would probably self-drive on.


Postscript 8

But… what about robot taxis? Alphabet/Google’s fully autonomous Waymo Driver taxis are operating in some US cities within specific, pre-defined geographical areas, known as ‘geo-fenced areas’. In December 2024, Waymo analysed liability claims related to collisions from 25 million fully autonomous miles and claimed:

    The Waymo Driver demonstrated better safety performance when compared to human-driven vehicles, with an 88% reduction in property damage claims and 92% reduction in bodily injury claims. In real numbers, across 25.3 million miles, the Waymo Driver was involved in just nine property damage claims and two bodily injury claims. Both bodily injury claims are still open and described in the paper. For the same distance, human drivers would be expected to have 78 property damage and 26 bodily injury claims.

So Alphabet says Waymo is statistically safer than human-driven cars. But would you trust it? It was reported in May 2024 that the US NHTSA (National Highway Traffic Safety Administration) was investigating incidents in which autonomous taxis behaved erratically and sometimes disobeyed traffic safety rules or were involved in crashes.

The NHTSA learned of 22 incidents in which self-driving Waymo cars ‘exhibited driving behavior that potentially violated traffic safety laws’ (according to a document posted by NHTSA), including situations in which the vehicles ‘appeared to disobey traffic safety control devices.’ In some cases, the vehicles collided with stationary objects such as gates and chains. This sometimes happened after the vehicles ‘exhibited unexpected behaviors.’

The NHTSA also investigated Zoox, the autonomous technology subsidiary of Amazon. In two separate incidents, self-driving cars operated by Zoox braked suddenly and unexpectedly, and then were rear-ended by motorcyclists. In one case, a motorcyclist was injured. The NHTSA investigators were looking into the Zoox self-driving system’s ‘behavior in crosswalks around vulnerable road users, and in other similar rear-end collision scenarios.’

Er, no thanks.

In February 2025 the NHTSA, which is investigating the ‘full self-driving’ software in 2.4 million Tesla cars after four collisions including a 2023 fatal crash, suffered a four-percent staff cut – coinciding with Elon Musk’s ‘DOGE’ cuts across the federal government.

Tesla is developing its own Cybercab robotaxi. How much easier with less regulation!


Postscript 9

Google search, AI Overview, March 2025:

    Moving Images: While AI is improving in analyzing moving images, it still struggles with complex, changing scenes compared to human perception.

You don’t say.

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Antisemitism: anti-what??

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SuperSemite?
Illustration: Michael Capozzola

During campaigning for the 2016 London mayoral election and ever since, much media coverage has been given to accusations of racism against Labour party members whose expression of support for the Palestinian cause and criticism of Israeli Zionism had allegedly shaded into anti-Jewish racism.

The media coverage inadvertently highlighted a problem with the word used to describe such racism –  ‘antisemitism’. We know what it means  – but it doesn’t mean what it says. Call me pedantic, but Arabs are ‘Semitic’ as well as Jews, aren’t they? So why do we use the word to refer only to anti-Jewish racism?

The dodgy origin of the word ‘antisemitic’ is instructive. The word was invented by 19th-century German proto-Nazi ‘race’ theorists to provide a scientific-sounding substitute for the word they were using: ‘Judenhass‘, meaning Jew-hatred.

‘Semite’ (derived from the biblical character Shem, one of the sons of Noah) was a term in use then – but now considered obsolete – for people who speak Semitic languages.

330 million people currently speak Semitic languages. The world’s Jewish population is 14 million.

Hebrew and Arabic are both Semitic languages. So, in the original (now obsolete) meaning of the word, Arabs and Jews are indeed both Semitic. It’s therefore ironic – and ridiculous – that supporters of (Arab) Palestine accused of anti-Jewish racism are described as antisemitic. After all, no one calls Jewish people Semitic people.

The word ‘antisemitic’ is clearly pretentious and racist pseudo-scientific nonsense. Nevertheless, despite having been disputed as inaccurate and misleading since the 1930s, it’s been in common use ever since.

Racism is a difficult enough problem without complicating it with linguistic tripwires. (See my analysis of racism, Racism explained as a redundant instinct.)

Information about the offensive and deceptive origin of this mealy-mouthed misnomer is easily available. Continuing to shelter behind its bland euphemism is a lazy and bad habit.

We should say what we mean. Anti-Jewish racists should be called ‘anti-Jewish‘. Anti-Jewish racism should be called ‘anti-Judaism.

I put this to some Jewish anti-racism campaigners. Disappointingly, the replies all said the same thing: it’s an irrelevant and confusing distraction from the cause.

Admittedly, addressing this issue would mean making costly changes to campaign names, websites and literature.

However, words matter. The continuing use of the confusing misnomer ‘antisemitic’ will continue to muddy the debate. Perhaps campaigners and their supporters should accept some transitional cost and confusion for the sake of long-term clarity.


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All fur coat and trousers

Do say: He’s all mouth and trousers
Don’t say: He’s all mouth and no trousers

You know what they say – big mouth, big trousers Photo: Rubies.com

A frequently – and annoyingly – misspoken phrase is ‘He’s all mouth and no trousers‘, which should, of course, be ‘He’s all mouth and trousers‘.

The misspeakers are over-excitedly confusing it with – and accidentally borrowing the form of – the racy phrase, ‘She’s all fur coat and no knickers‘.

Despite being a mistake (or misspeak), ‘All mouth and no trousers’ has unfortunately entered into common usage, and must therefore be allowed some meaning, if possible.

It could, perhaps, mean a braggart who’s shortcomings are inadvertently exposed by his metaphorical (and, presumably, accidental) lack of trousers. However, presumably he’d be wearing metaphorical underpants – which would conceal any shortcomings.

Or perhaps the embarrasing lack of trousers shows that his boastful claims can’t be taken seriously, because they lack the substance that would be metaphorically indicated by his dressing properly – ie, by wearing trousers.

Neither explanation makes much sense. The wrong version has no real meaning, is clearly a corruption of the original phrase, and lacks the original’s muscular metaphorical resonance.

It’s clear that the misspeakers don’t understand the meaning of the correct phrase. The sister phrase, ‘All fur coat and no knickers‘ needs no explanation – but ‘all mouth and trousers‘ apparently does.

What it means is that the man referred to is inclined to bragg (all mouth) and to exaggerate (all trousers).

So why does ‘all trousers‘ mean exaggeration? It refers, of course, to metaphorically voluminous trousers, concealing metaphorically uneceptional genitals, the size of which has been metaphorically exaggerated.

The loose trousers conceal the truth, and the supposedly large genitals are, in fact, ‘all trousers’ – just as a conjuror’s illusion is said to be ‘all smoke and mirrors‘.

Hence: all mouth and (all) trousers. Crude, certainly – but at least meaningful.


Afterthought: The metaphorical resonance of this phrase probably runs deep. Bragging of this sort perhaps goes back to early human mate-selection behaviour. Large genitals are traditionally associated with the desirable qualities of bravery and virility. Female discernment, as perhaps expressed by this phrase, is an essential part of finding a suitable mate. Nah, not him – he’s all mouth and loin cloth. (Mating/dating tip for insecure modern men: honesty is also a desirable quality.)


Postscript: Even sadly-departed master wordsmith Terry Pratchett (author of the mostly brilliant but snobbishly underrated Discworld series) got it wrong.

In Raising Steam, engineer Dick Simnell tells conman/entrepreneur Moist Lipwig that when he first met him, he thought he was all mouth and no trousers. There’s not even an amusing footnote about how people get that wrong. That’s disappointing.

RIP, though, Sir Terry.

Fellow Pratchett fans may object that any such mistakes should be excused, because Raising Steam was published in 2011, four years after Pratchett had been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. He had a rare form of posterior cortical atrophy (PCA).

However, In 2012 Pratchett stated in an interview that the cognitive part of his mind was untouched, and that his symptoms were physical.

This is apparently normal for people living with PCA. (However, PCA can spread, causing loss of cognition.)

In 2008, Pratchett revealed he found it difficult to write. Subsequently he used dictation, or speech recognition software.

Let’s blame the software – and Pratchett’s editor, who shall be nameless (mainly because I can’t be bothered to find out their name).

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Artificial stupidity again

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Image: Futurama

April 2016

A recent newpaper report on robot reporters that are supposedly able to write financial reports and TV previews, gave an example:

‘We catch up with our dastardly group along the rippling waters of the Riverlands.’

If that’s a fair example, journalists’ jobs are safe. When will human journalists stop swallowing the latest ridiculous claim for AI?


Update, April 2023

ChatGPT

Seven years later, (seems like only yesterday!) Chatbot ‘AI’ has made a significant breakthrough with ChatGPT. Although it has no real understanding, it can produce relevant, well-written text.

For instance, my post on racism, Racism explained as a redundant instinct addresses the unhelpful entrenched conflict between evolutionary psychology and cultural psychology. I asked ChatGPT about it, and it produced an excellent response.

ChatGPT is controversial – but it makes claims for AI less ridiculous.

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Boring actors

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Acting is a wonderful and mysterious thing; and it gives us much pleasure. But articles about actors are nearly always excruciatingly boring. The craft and the difficulties of acting should be kept decently hidden. Actors should only be interviewed if they’re willing to give juicy gossip on other actors.
 

Please feel free to comment.

Patriotism: for scoundrels

In which I criticise the misguided attempt by a reputable UK historian to get liberals interested in patriotism (and in which I get criticised in turn for my alleged misuse of Dr Johnson’s ‘scoundrels’ quote)

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Castles made of sand fall in the sea, eventually Photo: Jonathan Hordle/Rex Features / Lyric: Jimi Hendrix

British historian Timothy Garton Ash wrote a thought-provoking newspaper column in April 2016 (just before the Brexit vote) calling for liberals to reclaim patriotism from the political right. He meant well – but it was never going to happen.

What’s great about England (Britain/Great Britain/the UK/whatever) is that we’re not particularly patriotic. (We can’t even be bothered to sort out a proper name.) Perhaps it’s one of the few worthwhile legacies of empire, giving us the confidence not to care much about what the world thinks of us.

In any case, we liberals regard the nation state with justified suspicion. It’s a relatively recent artificial construct, convenient for the purpose of civic organisation and worth being defended, but not a cause of natural affection.

It’s natural to feel sentimentally attached to your immediate vicinity, but not to a nation. The UK happens to be an island nation which is clearly geographically defined (apart from Northern Ireland, with its southern land border) but other nations are more arbitrarily defined, and therefore even less likely to inspire patriotism. (For instance – I knew my O level History would come in handy one day – how much national pride in France should the people of Alsace Lorraine be expected to feel?)

Cry God for Boris, St George and England Photo: Stefan Rousseau/PA Wire

The English flag, aka the ‘flag of St George‘ – despite the brave attempt in 2009 by then mayor of London Boris Johnson to rescue it – is tarnished by its association with the racist far right.

(For my analysis of racism, see Racism explained as a redundant instinct.)

Waving the UK flag, aka the Union Jack, isn’t much better. The best British value is our near-total indifference to national pride and flag-waving.

A good example of how patriotism is just not British is the 2014 government guidance on promoting the teaching of secular ‘British values‘ when teaching SMSC (spiritual, moral, social and cultural) development. This resulted from concern about the teaching of conservative religious values in state-funded schools. (See Guardian report.)

A schools minister said they wanted every school to promote basic British values:

  • the rule of law
  • individual liberty
  • mutual respect and tolerance for those of different faiths and beliefs

A department for education document says: ‘Actively promoting the values means challenging opinions or behaviours in school that are contrary to fundamental British values.’

However, the values prescribed by the guidance aren’t exclusively ‘British’. They’re the European Enlightenment values that underpin modern liberal democracy, freedom and rule of law: the conditions that motivate people to migrate to many western countries – not just Britain – from more unstable, lawless and repressive regimes.

The question of patriotism – and Garton Ash’s call for liberals to rescue it – has presumably arisen because of the perceived need for segregated immigrant communities to be more ‘British’, and our consequent knicker-twisting about ‘what it means to be British‘. Let’s just admit it: we don’t know – and that’s a Good Thing.

The solution to segregation is not for immigrant communities to be made to somehow aquire the mysterious property of ‘Britishness’ (which we’d first have to define). It’s for those communities to stop self-segregating. Britishness is simply what happens naturally when you live here without segregating yourself.

There’s no need for liberals to reclaim patriotism, Timothy. We can manage quite nicely without it, thank you.

Let’s leave patriotism to the insecure and racist.

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Postscript
The pedantic professor puts me right about the good doctor

Whilst trying to find research on faith-based segregation in the UK for my critique of Islam in the UK, ‘Fear of Islamophobia‘, I was kindly helped by Professor Tariq Modood, a multiculturalism expert and prominent Muslim – and we briefly discussed the issue of the teaching of ‘British values’ (see above).

(Having scan-read some of Prof Modood’s excellent published writings, and exchanged several enlightening emails with him, I’d summarise his view on the teaching of British values as follows: although he disgrees with the current legislation requiring the promotion of secular British values when teaching SMSC development, he doesn’t reject the idea of an educational ethos grounded in national values, but calls for a new nationalism – a more inclusive ‘Britishness’ that welcomes religious and secular diversity. I hope I’ve got that right.)

In the context of our discussion about teaching British values, I invited the professor to read this post. His only comment was to nit-pickingly point out an alleged error in my article’s title. I was wrong, he said, to enlist Dr Samuel Johnson (who famously said that patriotism is the last resort of the scoundrel) in support of my anti-patriotism argument.

image
Portrait: Joshua Reynolds Tate Gallery

The professor rightly surmised that I’d wrongly assumed – as do most people – that the famous saying meant that Johnson thought of patriotism as a disreputable thing, fit only to be used as a last resort by scoundrels. But as not many people know, the professor continued, Johnson wrote elsewhere of patriotism as an admirable love of one’s country, and clearly thought of it as a virtue.

Stung by the criticism, I googled the 1775 ‘scoundrels’ quote. Apparently, it was reported by Johnson’s amanuensis James Boswell without any context; and it’s not known what Johnson meant by it. However, as he apparently held patriotism in high esteem, he presumably didn’t mean what most of us think he meant, in our ill-read ignorance.

OK, its a fair cop, Prof (if lacking clear evidence). Thanks for the free lecture. However, I’m not going to change the title. The apparent misinterpretation of Johnson’s famous quote has now passed into common use, and in his many pronouncements on the subject he frequently commented on the devious misuse of patriotism, so I feel en-titled (geddit?) to refer to the quote in token support of my own belief – as independently argued above – that patriotism is a Bad Thing, and is indeed generally used by scoundrels for disreputable purposes.


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George Clooney, baby killer

Guardian letter 6 (March 2015)

Reza sucks on empty baby-milk bottle in filth
Photo: Guardian/AP/Mohammad Sajjad
George sips Nespresso in luxury
Photo: Nestlé

A much trumpeted exclusive interview with top actor and Hollywood hearthrob George Clooney in The Guardian (UK national left-liberal newspaper) gave us Clooney’s views on Donald Trump (he’s a fascist), but didn’t mention Clooney’s ongoing promotion of Nestlé’s Nespresso products.

According to IBFAN (the International Baby Food Action Network), Nestlé continues to aggressively market baby foods around the world in breach of international marketing standards, contributing to the unnecessary death and suffering of infants.

When Clooney is asked about this he gets angry and defensive. Perhaps the interviewer didn’t want to upset the great philanthropist and political philosopher.

Postscript: Amazingly, I’ve had a viewer. Disturbingly, WordPress says they’re from the US. I know the Clooneys have houses in Europe, but his people will be in the US. In case Mrs C is about to sue me, let me make it clear: I don’t think Clooney has personally killed any babies.


Update, April 2026: Dua too

Ageing George has been joined as Nestlé ‘Ambassador’ by fellow philanthropist and political philosopher, Gen Z singer-songwriter Dua Lipa. Only worth £90m, she obviously needs the money. Nice one, Dua.

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